Better luck next time

Unfortunately for us 2010 will not be the year that World Cup fever spreads past the first round of eliminations in the U.S. After a tightly contested match the United States fell to Ghana in overtime which marks the the second consecutive World Cup match against Ghana that has sent the U.S. home early. This loss comes as a heavy blow to a U.S. team that was riding high on it's 1 to 1 tie against England in the first round. Both thrilling games showcased the ability of the U.S. team to keep their score as low as possible. Following the loss the U.S. ambassador to mediocrity Joe Schmo was quoted as saying "Meh! It's not who wins or looses but I'm just glad they tried hard. Third time's a charm, we'll get 'em next time!".

Get real! I don't care how much people want soccer.....er.....football to happen here. Until we start winning it's not going to. If you want proof of this look at the 1980 miracle on ice team that is still somehow proping the sport of hockey up on life support here in the states. People still talk about that win like it decided the Cold War for us! We are a country that demands winning because it's in our DNA.

If we loose at something then we simply downplay our interest in it. Like when we lost to Puerto Rico in basketball during the 2004 Olympics. "They play a different type of basketball with funny rules". Ah, that is why they out scored us by 19 points. Gotcha.

When it comes to a sport based on low scores, lots of defense, and way more acting than a Megan Fox movie, we as Americans will demand more for our attention. That is why I have a few suggestions that might help the U.S. the next time around.

1. Play with steel toe boots. If half the injuries that were faked on the field were the result of a size 12 Redwing to the shin I think you could sway some of the MMA crowd over.

2. Give players weapons. Since the common perception here in the states is that soccer players are sissies I think if they were carying a baseball bat around to bludgeon a would be "challenger" it help would dispell that myth. Besides nothing says American like a Louisville Slugger!

3. Release a live bear onto the field. If you think the World Cup is boring and a little slow just watch how fast everyone would run with a 2-ton Alaskan Grizzly on the loose. "Hey that bear is from America. USA...USA...USA!!!" Better yet give each team a bear and instead of those stupid yellow and red cards make player tie a T-bone steak around their waist after a foul. Now it's like the World Cup meets Survivor!

Admitedly the aforementioned "improvements" would resemble something out of a Mad Max movie rather than a World Cup game but I think the point is that if America is going to get on board with another sport it will need to cater to the audience.

Then again maybe yelling GOOOOOOAAAAALLLLLL!!!!!! once every forty-five minutes is enough to help soccer...er...football catch on here in the U.S. When it comes to obnoxiously screaming things at the top of your lungs while wearing funny hats we love that kind of stuff!

That was a close one!

So I am finally confident that the dust has settled on the expansion/contraction/formal execution of the Big 12 conference. I am a die hard KU fan and because of this I have been relegated to sitting idly by while nefarious forces (mainly Texas, the Big Ten, and the Pac-10) try to force my beloved Jayhawks out of their happy home. I myself have been holding my breath and trying to read any information on the subject for the last few weeks and I have come to the conclusion: I absolutely hate rumors! I blame myself for getting so worked up about this situation because I don't have to read the news but it's almost impossible to ignore when they are talking about the fate of my Alma Mater. Although no one has a clue what really goes on behind closed doors everyone in the media is quoting a "confidential source" that knows someone, who is affiliated with, a friend of the person, who mows the lawn for a decision maker in the program. For the love of God just tell me who who we're going to play next year!

Unfortunately no one had any idea what was going to happen and we all had to watch the fallout unfold one leaked headline at a time. Because the rumors got out of control the Big 12 was made to look like a second rate conference that no one wanted to be a part of. What, you ask, started this overnight exodus from the Big 12? The short answer is of course money. It's no secret that colleges make a ton on their athletic programs and because of this they are constantly evaluating how they can find additional streams of revenue to bolster their programs. Because the Everyone saw an opportunity to make money and no one wanted to tip their hand in this high stakes game of B.S.

In the end Nebraska left for the Big Ten (although they now have 12 teams), Colorado headed for the Pac-10 ( who also has 12 teams after adding Utah), Texas and the rest of its mindless affiliates decided to stay put in the Big 12 (which is down to only 10 teams)...for now. Mizzou made a pathetic attempt to save face while pleading to keep the conference together after they found out they were snubbed in their bid to join the Big Ten. And all the while KU, K-State, Baylor, and Iowa State were tight lipped and stoic about the whole process while no doubt shitting their pants at the thought of what cut rate conference they would be able to get into if things went bad.

So how did the the Big 12 go from the verge of extinction to overnight basketball super conference? Easy, everyone promised Texas a lot of money. Not only will many teams need to pony up a bribe for the chance to get smoked by the Longhorns in football on an annual basis but also much of the money that Nebraska and Colorado will pay for leaving the conference is going to...guess who? Plus the Big 12 has agreed to allow Texas to pursue its own TV contract that they alone would gain the revenue from. Holy crap! Texas just mugged every remaining team in the Big 12 for millions and they had to smile about it! Somebody get Texas a cigarette after that f-job!

At first I was extremely worried that this debacle would spell doom for the history and the rivalries that KU and the Big 12 have cultivated over the years. If Texas left they would have taken the rest of the Big 12 South with them and left the four stepchildren in the north to fight for table scraps (i.e. the Mountain West Conference....ugh). This was an unflattering situation to say the least. The thought of playing a perennial powerhouse like Air Force or Wyoming just didn't stack up to the type of rivalries we have in the status quo. Not to mention the irony of any team in Kansas being part of a conference with "mountain" in its title is enough for me to veto this move (note: there is a mountain in Kansas! Mount Sunflower 4,039 feet above sea level. But I still don't want anything to do with the MWC...sorry).

Now that this crisis is over and I don't have to worry about driving to Utah for an 'effing conference game next season, I'm trying to reconcile my emotions about this whole ordeal. I am still somewhat upset that the media circus surrounding this event made legitimate Big 12 universities look like a bunch of lepers that would contaminate "superior" conferences. But more than that I'm pissed that Texas gets to be courted by multiple conferences at once only to bluff its way to a huge payday. I am more aware than I would like to admit that Texas is a necessary evil to tolerate if we want to have any resemblance to the Big 12 that we have come to know and love but that doesn't mean I have to like it. On the bright side maybe this will be just the motivation that others in the Big 12 need to stick it to the burnt orange bastards when they face them in conference.

I'm pretty sure I have learned two things from this experience. The first is that money will always win over preserving tradition. And the second is that no one at any of the league offices can count how many teams are actually in their own conference! I guess the only numbers they are interested in counting have $$$ in front of them.