Ahhh...Saint Valentine's Day. A day in which men everywhere club each over the head to get the last of the roses and candy left on store shelves. A day that symbolizes the commericialization of America and the fact that the world is in fact run (behind the scenes of course) by Hallmark (based in Kansas City for all you hometown fans). It is also a day that is largely misunderstood. Therefore I thought that I would share a little knowledge about this "holiday"....

In 496 A.D Pope Gelasius I estabilshed that a feast should be held in honor a martyr by the name of Valentine (but instead of "Valentine" is was pronounced all Greeky). Details are fuzzy about whether or not the feast was supposed to be for just one "Valentine" or several martyrs by that name. (Feasts were kinda like keggers in those days, you didn't need a real good excuse to have one) The thing is Gelasius didn't even know the guy or for that matter what the guy did other than die. He was quoted as saying "his acts are known only to God....and he owes me money". This may be paraphrasing but the point is he was no Lebron James of his day.

Later historical evidence point to a "Valentinus" that was a Roman priest who was caught and imprisoned for marrying Christian couples (the eqivilent of a modern day prop 8 scandal...thanks California). The Roman emporer at the time Claudius II actually became fond of Valentinus and the two became close...until Valentinus tried to convert Claudius II to Christianity. Claudius then promptly ordered Valentinus to be beaten with clubs and beheaded. (Just to be fair this is a pretty standard reaction to anyone who tries to push their religion on me too.)

This decidedly un-Valentine's Day-like event later led to Gelasius declaring a feast in the name of Valentine, the brutal murder of seven gangsters by Al Capone's gang in 1929, and eventually to what we know today as Saint "open your wallets for candy and flowers" Day. If you are as confused as I am about what giving flowers and greeting cards to a loved one has to do with these events you aren't alone.

Oh well, V-Day is almost over and now we can concentrate on celebrating Jesus rising from the dead by hiding painted egss and taking our kids pictures on the lap of a six foot tall rabbit at Sears. God Bless America!!!

Short on time, patience, and intelligence...

This post goes out to all of those individuals who have been stuck in airports for the last few days and are taking it out on the people in customer service around them. As I'm writing this my understanding is that the east coast has been getting pounded for days with a blizzard, Atlanta and Florida are in a panic because white stuff is falling from the sky (they don't know what snow looks like), and Dallas has cancelled flights for the next few days. People can commence with their tantrums....now. "What do you mean the g*#$am flight is canncelled? Oh my god we're all gonna have to wait for the weather to clear up? Where is all this global warming I keep hearing about?"

I work at an airport so I get it that the airport sucks out loud!!! We all take it on the chin from the security guy and then there is a delay or a cancellation and you end up living in the airport like Tom Hanks in that one movie. Yeah it isn't fun but why take it out on the people that work there? Sure they aren't that friendly but that's because neither are you. Just realize the only person that can help you at that very moment is standing there and they are trying to help. They don't want to get yelled at but they also need to do their job. If their job is to sell you something just listen to their pitch. If they need to check to see if you are smuggling produce in from Canada....spread 'em. If their job is to whip you up a non-fat, non-gmo, soy protien, mocha latte (gross) don't cause a scene. Just calmly explain that they forgot the whip cream and get the f**k over yourself.

Whether you are at the airline baggage check, the rental car counter, or the starbucks you should try to be nice to the person that is helping you. Why you ask? Because if you don't tip the sky cap your bags will wind up in Saudi Arabia. If you don't politely refuse an upgrade you will wind up driving a roller skate that was recently smoked in. And if you don't feel it is neccessary to thank the person making your esspresso....it may have the distinct aftertaste of spit.